*Disclaimer: This article is satirical and as beard advocates, we wouldn’t dare recommend going beardless.*

Without further ado, let’s get into a few reasons why you SHOULDN’T grow out your beard.

You Like Having A Cold Face

A full beard can shield your face from the harsh effects of colder weather, but if you enjoy wind whipping against your cheeks and thrashing at your skin… don’t grow out your beard.

Yeah, it might be comparable to walking through the arctic in a speedo, or going skiing in the alps in a bikini but hey… to each their own. Avoid the following products at all costs if you want your face to freeze.

You Hate Looking Distinguished

“Distinguished” (adj) - Successful, authoritative, and commanding great respect.

Sounds terrible, doesn’t it? Clean-cut & well-kept chin art can lead others to assume you have things in order. So be warned, if you want to look like your life is in shambles or your parents still drive you to work… stay away from our badass shaving products.

You Don’t Want Attention From Women

Whether you’re at a bar, an event or even hot yoga, a tamed man mane will attract some attention. If you’re not interested in having wandering eyes landing on you while you’re locked in on your warrior pose, don’t go anywhere near the BIG BOSS Facial Hair Care Package. We’re fairly certain that even just by clicking on one of the packages your beard gets a hair longer and a hair thicker.

You Want To Look 12-Years-Old

Straight off the school bus, colored pencils on deck, and not a chin hair in sight… that’s you. That’s you without a beard. If you’re still into running away from “cooties” and eating boogers on the playground, stay away from our stuff. With that being said, if you want to feel more weathered, cultured and established...check these products out:

Being A Boss Terrifies You

The life of a Boss isn’t for everyone and it comes with some baggage. For example, increased requests to get together on the weekends, more random people starting conversations with you, and a distinguished look that would make Chuck Norris feel ever so slightly threatened. Bossman Brands is all about creating and maintaining the Bosses of the World. If the Boss life sounds like one for you, then you’re in the right place.